Why Social Media Algorithms Feel Like a Toxic Relations...

Why Social Media Algorithms Feel Like a Toxic Relationship 

(And What to Do About It)

Social media is supposed to be a platform for connection, sharing ideas, and thought leadership. Yet, we’ve somehow turned it into a numbers game. How many likes did my post get? How many followers do I have? Am I even relevant if my content doesn’t “perform”?

These are real struggles that even seasoned professionals and CEOs grapple with.

Here’s what happens when we let likes dictate our worth:

❌ Posts get deleted if they don’t hit an arbitrary engagement threshold in the first few hours.

❌ Overthinking takes over — instead of sharing authentically, we try to reverse-engineer what the algorithm wants.

❌ Paid engagement becomes the norm — some join pay-to-play communities where strangers like posts just because they’re paid to.

❌ Silent readers remain unseen — many people read and absorb your content but never engage, and we mistakenly assume our impact is minimal.

The Reality Check: LIKES ≠ Impact

My own posts rarely get more than 10 likes, even though I have over 1,000 followers on LinkedIn. If I let that metric define my value, I would have stopped posting a long time ago. But here’s the thing — impact isn’t always visible.

Someone once gave me a simple but powerful piece of advice: “Post it and forget about it.” And that advice has been echoed by many others.

One insightful comment I received summed it up perfectly:

“I mainly blog to a) structure my thinking and b) create long-term documentation for our company. I found that this attitude keeps me saner than chasing for external validation in the form of likes.”

This mindset shift is freeing. It allows us to create without attachment to immediate feedback.

A Shift in Perspective: Focus on Value, Not Validation

Instead of chasing likes, focus on creating value:

✅ Share insights that help your audience grow.

✅ Write content that solves problems and sparks conversations.

✅ Show up consistently, even when engagement feels low.

As Suze Maclaine Pont wisely put it: “Visibility is sharing without need, and when we stop chasing approval, people start listening.”

The System Is Designed to Make You Doubt Yourself

But if we let external validation dictate our internal confidence, we risk watering down our message just to please the algorithm.

That’s why it’s important to be intentional. Not all visibility is created equal. As someone pointed out in a comment on my post:

“Nobody needs another selfie 😉”

Selfies can be a helpful tool if they are used intentionally and not just fishing for likes! Ten years ago, I took selfies just for the sake of getting likes. Now, I use them from time to time to share behind-the-scenes moments — like my creative process or a shot from my workshop.

It’s about purposeful presence, not just presence for the sake of it.

Show Up. Share Your Knowledge. Trust the Right People Are Listening. Next time you hesitate before posting, ask yourself: Am I creating for impact, or am I chasing numbers? If even one person benefits from your content, you are already winning.

What’s your take? Have you ever held back from posting because you were worried about engagement?

Did this article resonate with you? Let’s keep the conversation going! Connect with me on LinkedIn or book a no-strings-attached call — I’d love to hear your thoughts.

Personal branding by

Aiva

Why Social Media Algorithms Feel Like a Toxic Relationship

These are real struggles that even seasoned professionals and CEOs grapple with.

Here’s what happens when we let likes dictate our worth:

❌ Posts get deleted if they don’t hit an arbitrary engagement threshold in the first few hours.

❌ Overthinking takes over — instead of sharing authentically, we try to reverse-engineer what the algorithm wants.

❌ Paid engagement becomes the norm — some join pay-to-play communities where strangers like posts just because they’re paid to.

❌ Silent readers remain unseen — many people read and absorb your content but never engage, and we mistakenly assume our impact is minimal.

The Reality Check: LIKES ≠ Impact

My own posts rarely get more than 10 likes, even though I have over 1,000 followers on LinkedIn. If I let that metric define my value, I would have stopped posting a long time ago. But here’s the thing — impact isn’t always visible.

Someone once gave me a simple but powerful piece of advice: “Post it and forget about it.” And that advice has been echoed by many others.

One insightful comment I received summed it up perfectly:

“I mainly blog to a) structure my thinking and b) create long-term documentation for our company. I found that this attitude keeps me saner than chasing for external validation in the form of likes.”

This mindset shift is freeing. It allows us to create without attachment to immediate feedback.

A Shift in Perspective: Focus on Value, Not Validation

Instead of chasing likes, focus on creating value:

✅ Share insights that help your audience grow.

✅ Write content that solves problems and sparks conversations.

✅ Show up consistently, even when engagement feels low.

As Suze Maclaine Pont wisely put it: “Visibility is sharing without need, and when we stop chasing approval, people start listening.”

The System Is Designed to Make You Doubt Yourself

But if we let external validation dictate our internal confidence, we risk watering down our message just to please the algorithm.

That’s why it’s important to be intentional. Not all visibility is created equal. As someone pointed out in a comment on my post:

“Nobody needs another selfie 😉”

Selfies can be a helpful tool if they are used intentionally and not just fishing for likes! Ten years ago, I took selfies just for the sake of getting likes. Now, I use them from time to time to share behind-the-scenes moments — like my creative process or a shot from my workshop.

It’s about purposeful presence, not just presence for the sake of it.

Show Up. Share Your Knowledge. Trust the Right People Are Listening. Next time you hesitate before posting, ask yourself: Am I creating for impact, or am I chasing numbers? If even one person benefits from your content, you are already winning.

What’s your take? Have you ever held back from posting because you were worried about engagement?

Did this article resonate with you? Let’s keep the conversation going! Connect with me on LinkedIn or book a no-strings-attached call — I’d love to hear your thoughts.